dumb_but_tasty's Journal

12:36pm:

Embattled House Majority Leader Tom DeLay of Texas takes questions from reporters. DeLay stated that though he could not categorically deny allegations of ethical misconduct with regard to his fund raising practices, he'd like assure everyone that 'practically none' of the money raised was used to do coke off of the naked bodies of prostitutes.

12:29pm:

In a last ditch effort to promote abstinency, the Bush Administration has acquired the assistance of movie stars Johnny Depp and Ben Stiller to convince America's youth that having sex leads to getting covered in green slime.

12:25pm:

US Deputy Secretary of State Robert Zoellick has been voted this month as Chocolatier Monthly's Sexiest-Man-Alive.

12:25pm:

Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas later admitted he had no idea who American Gigolo star Richard Gere was nor what he was doing in his office.

9:02pm:

Clothier and fashion mogul Tim Gunn confessed today that though the memory of maiming and killing his wife and three children still haunts him, nothing can really get him down when he feels the fabric on the new line of suits by Dolce and Gabbana.

8:49pm:

Rupert Murdoch and the Fox News Channel today announced a joint venture they have christened the Guns and Girls Channel, promising All Guns, All Girls, All the Time®.

8:37pm:

German biochemical engineer Jens Lechtenberg, 34, says he's disappointed the world class fuel economy of his new automobile has failed to aid him in finally losing his virginity.

8:35pm:

Nepalese prime minister Girija Prasad Koirala speaks with reporters about his planned move from politics to Crossover Rap/Hip-Hop. Koirala cofirmed that he liked big butts and cannot lie, further elaborating that other brothers can't deny.

8:32pm:

Former National Security Adviser Sandy Berger testifies before the Senate that he envisions a savory and delectable omelette capable of eliminating world hunger.

8:09pm:

Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz and college friend James D. Wolfensohn celebrate after deciding upon the dates for their 2005 Southeast Asian sex tour.

7:54pm:

Though never really encountering difficulty in finding work, actor-comedian Matthew Perry says his recent gigs are rarely as glamorous as his role as "Chandler" on the hit television sitcom, Friends.

7:40pm:

France's deputy ambassador to the United Nations, Michel Duclos (R) asks Denmark's ambassador, Dr. Margrethe Loj (L) whether she thought his 36 hour long erection required immediate medical attention.

7:08pm:

All four members of the Strokes were skeptical that a fresh new take on wardrobe would effectively increase the sales of their new record.

7:03pm:


Despite two decades of daily practice, attorney Sidney Lowenthal had never succeeded in killing a man by looking deeply into his eyes.

5:34pm:

Composer Robert Sherman tells reporters that his ability to effortlessly produce a "pants penis" had proven to be a surprising but remarkable asset in the advancement of his career.